Thursday, February 17, 2005

Everybody’s Equitable – Major League Baseball Preview

There will be 2,430 games scheduled this summer before Division and Wild Card winners are decided. Forgiving the occasional rainout or All-Star tie, Major League Baseball’s overall record will be 1,215-1,215.

Runs scored and allowed by all teams will work out to a pythagorean record of 1,215-1,215.

After all the errors, stolen bases, hit-by-pitches, 6-4-3s, diving stops, digs in the dirts, hustle plays, brain freezes, web gems, thrown heat, buckled knees, wild pitches, insurance runs, big innings, payoff pitches, bad hops, good jumps, tough outs, frozen ropes and amazing feats of veteran leadership… the final score will be one-thousand, two-hundred and fifteen up and one-thousand, two-hundred and fifteen down.

It is in this spirit that I have decided to forgo prognosticating winning or losing records for each team in the league. Instead, I will take to heart the spirit of equality that the entire MLB schedule exudes and predict that every team will have an 81-81 record.

I will discuss various reasons the fans of a particular squad can be optimistic about their chances in 2005 and then crush those feelings with the cold realities that will pull said team back into the pack of major-league mediocrity.

I will do this with little or no knowledge of who the players and coaches are for the 29 teams in the league that are not the Kansas City Royals.

I will post these diatribes in a sporadic manner, with the end goal of having predicted absolute average for every team in the six divisions by the time I get in my car on March 11th to cruise I-10 East into the dessert for a glimpse of the Royals in Spring Training action.

Please stay tuned…

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